This was the first time he saw her smile so gently, but Xiao Mubai didn't smile back.
He had never shown such a fearful expression before; even his hands were trembling slightly.
"Why didn't you tell me..." His eyes were rimmed with red, his voice hoarse.
Filled with self-reproach.
Even now, when he closed his eyes, all he could see was the scene from last night: Shen Nian falling to the ground in a wretched state, surrounded by scattered pills, a heart-wrenching sight.
He had always thought he was protecting Shen Nian well, but in the end, he didn't even know she was this severely ill.
"..." Shen Nian paused for a moment, then smiled faintly at him. "It's not a big deal."
"Not a big deal?" Xiao Mubai interrupted her. "If I hadn't brought a doctor in time to pump your stomach, you wouldn't be here right now."
It was truly fortunate that she had woken up after having such a high fever and swallowing so many pills.
He had originally been on a business trip out of town. On the 24th, while chatting with a business partner, they mentioned that it was Lu Lingchuan's wedding day. He immediately called Shen Nian, but there was no answer.
He booked the next available flight back and rushed to Shen Nian's apartment as soon as he landed.
Bursting into the bedroom, he found Shen Nian unconscious on the floor.
At that moment, he felt as if the sky was falling.
"I really didn't mean to commit suicide," Shen Nian explained helplessly, though she knew her words weren't believable. "Yesterday I was delirious with fever. I meant to take some fever reducers, but I grabbed the wrong pills..."
"And you just kept popping them into your mouth without limit?" Xiao Mubai asked.
"..." Shen Nian pressed her lips together, knowing she couldn't defend herself.
"Nian Nian." Xiao Mubai grasped her hand that wasn't attached to an IV, holding it tightly.
He didn't dare to loosen his grip, fearing that if he let go, he would lose her forever.
He said, "Don't give up. You still have me."
Shen Nian looked up, meeting his bloodshot eyes. For once, she didn't force a smile to comfort him.
She lowered her gaze and remained quiet for a long time before saying, "It's all in the past..."
Lu Lingchuan was married now. There was no possibility for them anymore.
"Yes," Xiao Mubai nodded. "It's all in the past."
Even if today is unfortunate, the sun will still rise tomorrow, a new day will begin, and all the bad things will become memories.
...
Shen Nian wanted to be discharged, feeling she was fine now.
But her health was poor, so Xiao Mubai insisted she stay a few more days. The doctor also recommended a week-long hospital stay to monitor her condition.
Since waking up, Shen Nian had been unusually quiet, barely speaking each day. When not resting, she would stare out the window, lost in thought.
It was now late December. Usually, by this time, Beijing would be covered in snow, but for some reason, it hadn't snowed at all this year.
"Her depression has become very severe. It would be best to find her a psychologist for proper treatment, otherwise..." In the office, Xiao Mubai sat across from the doctor, listening to him explain Shen Nian's condition.
The doctor paused, his expression grave. "She might take extreme measures..."
"..." Upon hearing this, Xiao Mubai's hand on his knee trembled, and he nearly lost his balance in his chair.
"What... did you say?" His face was pale, his thin lips quivering slightly.
"Don't be alarmed," the doctor quickly reassured him. "I'm only describing the worst-case scenario. Depression isn't just about treating the person, but healing the mind. Those antidepressants can help stabilize her emotions and calm her down to the greatest extent possible, but taking too much medication isn't good in the long run."
"So..." It took Xiao Mubai a long time to find his voice. He moved his dry lips.
Since rescuing Shen Nian on the 24th until now, he had been averaging only four hours of sleep per day, sometimes even less. The rest of the time he spent watching over Shen Nian, barely having the energy to drink water.
"What should I do..." His voice was laced with exhaustion.
"Heal her mind," the doctor could only tell him this. "Perhaps her current living environment isn't suitable for her. Maybe a change of scenery, or traveling to broaden her horizons and improve her mindset would help. After all, people shouldn't be confined to a limited space. Moving around, seeing more of the world—even if it doesn't cure the root cause, it can at least cultivate the mind."
Xiao Mubai nodded with difficulty. "I understand."
Leaving the doctor's office, Xiao Mubai returned to the hospital room. He paused at the door.
He slapped his own face, closed his eyes, and made an effort to regulate his breathing. When he opened his eyes again, a gentle smile appeared on his face.
In the days since learning of her illness, except for the first day, no matter how upset he felt inside, he always wore a smile when facing Shen Nian.
She was already suffering so much; he couldn't show her a gloomy face.
He pushed open the door and entered. Shen Nian was staring out the window again.
"Finished with the IV?" Xiao Mubai noticed the empty IV bottle on the stand by the bed.
Hearing Xiao Mubai's voice, Shen Nian snapped out of her reverie. She looked down at the medical tape on the back of her hand and softly replied, "Mm."
Xiao Mubai walked over, eyeing the strawberries he had just bought on the table. He tried to make conversation: "Strawberries are perfect this season. I only realized it was strawberry season yesterday when I overheard the nurses talking about it. So I asked them to buy some for me. They're big and sweet. Shall I wash a few for you?"
"Mm." This had been her most frequent response to Xiao Mubai these past few days.
Xiao Mubai didn't mind. He smiled at her and took the strawberries to wash.
A few minutes later, he returned with the washed strawberries. He had removed the leaves, making them ready to eat.
He set the bowl of strawberries on the side table, then took some wet wipes from nearby. Opening the lid, he pulled out a few sheets and carefully wiped her hands. After cleaning them, he picked out a large, red strawberry and offered it to her.
"Strawberries are cold, and your health is delicate, so you're only allowed three," he said. Then, after a pause, he added with a smile, "I'll buy you more when you're feeling better."
Shen Nian held the strawberry and silently bit off its tip.
Shen Nian had been bedridden for several days without a shower. Knowing she liked to be clean, Xiao Mubai first turned on the air conditioning in the room, then prepared a basin of hot water and soaked a clean towel in it.
He let her hold the strawberry with one hand while freeing her other arm.
First, he rolled up the sleeve of her hospital gown, revealing her thin, pale arm.
She was so thin that her sleeves could be effortlessly rolled up to her armpits.
As she exposed her hands, he took the towel from the basin, wringing out the excess water before gently wiping her hands.
"It'll be three more days before you can be discharged. The hospital's bathing facilities aren't great, and there's no heating. You might catch a cold if you bathe now. Let's just wipe you down for now, and we'll have a proper bath when we get home, okay?"
Shen Nian remained silent, quietly eating her strawberries.
