"I'm a lazy and greedy person who likes to get something for nothing and has poor self-control, unable to withstand temptation. I'm not that great of a person, yet I delusionally desire the purest feelings. I hope to always be the most favored one. I not only want bias, but I also want to be the exception among all 'exceptions,' superior to all 'exceptions.' I know this is wishful thinking. After all, I can't even do it myself. I will never love anyone more than I love myself, so forget it."
Yu Shu habitually wanted to scratch her head but only touched the cold helmet. Wearing the helmet was a bit uncomfortable. She took off the helmet and breathed a sigh of relief before continuing, "Maybe what I'm saying makes me sound like scum. But when I liked you the most, I never thought about having any outcome with you. If we're together and it doesn't work out, we break up. No one will be so devastated they can't live without the other person."
"I know what kind of person I am. How about you? Are you clear on how long your so-called 'liking' can last? What is it that you really want?"
"You," Shen Youlin said with reddened eyes and a choked but firm voice. "I want you, only you. It's true I can live without you. I tried that during the time you were gone, but I didn't feel at all like myself, not cool at all."
"When I was writing, my mind was filled with thoughts of you, and my writing was illegible. When I was drawing, you were also all I could think about, and what I drew was like chicken scratch. When I'm awake, I can't control my thoughts about you. Even when I'm sleeping, it's all dreams about you..."
"It's my own fault. I realized too late. I couldn't leave you long ago..."
"I hate you so much, Yu Shu. You provoked me, and now you say you never considered having any outcome with me. You f**king..."
"Why the f**k are you so heartless! What do I have to do for you to give me one chance?! I'd do anything for you. I could even die here..."
"I'm sorry, but let's end this here," Yu Shu said as she stood up and brushed the snow off herself. "Let's end this here. It will be better for both you and me. Time will smooth over all discontent. After some time passes, you'll go back to being your cool self again."
"I won't get better..."
Shen Youlin murmured. He knew he wouldn't recover. He couldn't forget or leave her behind.
Yu Shu felt a bit cold and couldn't help but shiver. She took off her snowboard and started walking down the mountain. "Goodbye, or maybe we'll never see each other again."
"Don't go..." Shen Youlin grabbed the corner of her clothing, but he had cried away his strength. The slick material of the ski suit kept slipping through his grasp no matter how hard he tried to hold on.
Shen Youlin's voice was hoarse. "Don't go—"
Yu Shu didn't look back at him. She knew he wouldn't listen to anything she said right then. She headed down the mountain on her own, intending to call the staff to come get him.
The desolate, hopeless, grieved, regretful cries echoed between the snowy mountains. They were no longer a boy's cries over losing his beloved toy, but a painful lament from the depths of his heart, full of unfulfilled longing.
Yu Shu halted her steps, feeling a pain in her heart. She couldn't help but glance back at him.
Shen Youlin had knelt in the snow on the mountainside facing the peak. He covered his heart with both hands, bowing his head to press it against the snowy ground.
He was a desperate, hopeless pilgrim at the end of his rope. Weeping, he kneeled and prayed to the deity at the mountain peak, begging for just a bit of mercy.
Between heaven and earth, only a single humble disciple remained.
She seemed to have lied to herself just now without realizing it. Those thoughts were from the past. She didn't know anymore what she truly wanted.
A snowflake landed on the tip of her nose. Yu Shu looked up. The skies were gloomy but it wasn't snowing...
Yu Shu gazed toward the peak. Her pupils dilated in shock.
A crack had appeared in the blanket of white covering the slope. Then the snow started shifting, sliding down the incline. More accumulated snow was swept along, crashing toward them in an avalanche.
Yu Shu swore and rushed toward Shen Youlin in long strides, stumbling through the snow.
"Hurry, there's an avalanche!" Yu Shu pulled on his arm to get him to stand.
Shen Youlin's face was flushed, half from crying and half from the cold. He murmured hoarsely, "I won't go. If we die here together, it'll be a tragic romance."
Having come up with this idea, he couldn't help but laugh.
"F**k your 'tragic romance'!!!" Yu Shu yelled. "You want to die but I don't! It's just a damned breakup, why do you have to be so dramatic over it! Get the f**k up!"
Despite using all her strength, she couldn't get him to stand. Anxious and helpless, she said, "Come on! We'll talk it over later! But first we need to get away from here!"
"Really?"
Shen Youlin's hope reignited at her words. He struggled to get up, then they supported each other as they moved perpendicular to the slope.
There wouldn't be deep snow accumulation on the ski slopes. They just needed to take cover behind something nearby.
Logically, Shen Youlin was taller and had longer legs so he should've moved faster than Yu Shu. But in reality, he was the one dragging them down.
Shen Youlin walked very strangely ever since he had parachuted down. Yu Shu noticed it already but figured he just wasn't used to walking in the snow. But...the height difference wasn't right either!
Furious, she kicked the back of his heel. "You must be really sick to wear height-increasing insoles to go skiing!!!!"
If I were taller, maybe you'd like me more.
Shen Youlin wanted to protest but was too upset to get the words out.
They couldn't outrun the downsliding snow picking up speed and debris as it tumbled down the slope. When the snowy wave crashed toward them, Shen Youlin swept her into his arms and held her tightly.
They tumbled in the swell, getting swept down toward the foot of the mountain. The world spun wildly and the passage of time felt endless to Yu Shu, yet in truth it was only several dozen seconds.
Shen Youlin let out a muffled grunt as they slammed into a tree, finally coming to a stop. The speed of the avalanche's advance also slowed...
Yu Shu extricated herself from his embrace. "Are you okay?"
"I...crashed into...a pig in a tree...A pig crashed...into a tree..."
Furious, Yu Shu pounded his chest. "What the hell, making wisecracks at a time like this!"
"I...I hurt..." Shen Youlin's voice was faint. After speaking, he broke into a violent fit of coughing. His body instinctively tried to curl up but was completely rigid, unable to move at all.
His coughs shook his entire chest. His head lolled to one side and shockingly, he coughed up a mouthful of bloody foam.
It stood out glaringly red against the snow, stabbing painfully at Yu Shu's eyes.
"Where does it hurt?"
Yu Shu could barely hear her own voice. Her vision had also grown blurry. Her tears clouded her sight.
"...Head."
His helmet was already cracked in places. Carefully, Yu Shu removed it, revealing blood underneath.
Shen Youlin's hair was completely soaked in blood. Freed from the helmet, rivulets of blood streamed down his hair.
What should she do... What should she do...
How was she supposed to handle this...
"Don't cry." Shen Youlin wanted to raise his hand to wipe away her tears, but his arm wouldn't budge no matter how he tried. He gave a resigned, bitter smile. "Look, Heaven heard me..."
"I'm...going to die here today..."
"So you'll remember me forever."
"What bullshit are you spewing! Where are your people?! The helicopter?! Call them here..." Yu Shu hadn't brought her phone and frantically searched him to no avail.
Her mind went blank with panic. She sat beside him, weeping wordlessly.
"Don't cry... Don't be scared... You'll be...okay..."
Shen Youlin's breathing grew progressively weaker, his spirit sinking into torpor. "Can you...kiss me... Please... Just once..."
I haven't gotten to kiss you yet. I won't be able to rest easy down below.
Yu Shu leaned down and pressed her mouth to his cold, chapped lips, tasting blood.
The sound of the helicopter's propellers echoed from afar, growing nearer. Rose petals fluttered down from the sky, blanketing the white snow and staining the mountain red...
He had planned an ostentatious and romantic confession, but now, they shared a kiss in the crimson rain of roses...
