It felt as though I had had a long dream.
But when I woke up, I couldn't quite remember what I had dreamt about, only that I felt very tired.
When I opened my eyes, I was sitting on the warm seat at home, one hand supporting my chin, the other holding a book that covered half my face.
Ying Xiang moved a small stool to sit next to me, holding a scroll in her hands, trying to teach me to read.
"Zhuangzi dreamed of being a butterfly, the emperor's spring heart is entrusted to the oriole..."
These past two days, father had her teaching me to read. But I was not made for this, only doing it to make father happy. I didn't dare to disobey, so I suffered silently here.
Ying Xiang knows me best. We grew up together, and she knows I'm unwilling to learn but doesn't force me. Even when she clearly sees me falling asleep, she just turns a blind eye and continues reading her book, considering it as fulfilling her duty.
Now, she continued with her recitations, and I just rested my cheek on my hand, looking at the bright courtyard, thinking about the dream I just had.
But like many other times, I only remember the dream being so clear, so real,
But now, when I try to recall what exactly I had dreamt about, it's hard to remember.
I vaguely remember the scene just before I woke up, which was somewhat terrifying.
—I seemed to... have dreamt of my own tombstone.
And I saw a beautiful woman with a hint of sorrow between her brows, standing in front of the tombstone, offering me two cups of turbid wine, saying incoherently that I had protected her so much, and in the next life, she would protect me.
As for the rest of the details, I couldn't remember anything no matter how hard I tried.
I felt that dreaming about my own grave was a bad omen, so I stopped Ying Xiang and said to her:
"I had a dream just now, in which I saw my own tombstone."
Ying Xiang looked up from her book and stared at me blankly.
I saw her furrowing her brows at first, but then she laughed,
"That's a good thing! People often say that dreams are opposite to reality. If you dream of your own tombstone, doesn't that mean you'll live a long life?"
Hearing her nonsense, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her, "You've read too much, and now you can't stop saying foolish things. My dream was very real. I should be relieved that I'm still alive after such a terrifying dream, but now I feel empty inside. It's really strange."
Hearing this, Ying Xiang started to complain, "I would say it's all the eldest young master's fault. He's always away fighting with our father, and when he finally returns once a year or so, he keeps telling you about the bloody battles he's been in. If you hear too much of that, won't you have nightmares?"
She made sense, but I didn't think that was the reason.
After all, I've always been tomboyish since I was little, always loved to hear stories about battles from my father when I was young, and later from my brother when father got busy with his military duties.
Those were the stories I was used to hearing, how could they scare me?
I was about to argue when suddenly, the window next to the warm seat was pushed open from outside. I quickly looked over to see my brother sticking half his head in, looking gloomy, and said to Ying Xiang:
"What bad things are you saying about me behind my back?"
Ying Xiang and I grew up together, so she naturally became something of a playmate to my elder brother during his youth. Whenever the two of them met, they would bicker, and I found it amusing to watch.
Now, Ying Xiang was not even afraid of my brother, and instead, she made a face at him,
"I dare not speak ill of the eldest son. However, I suddenly remembered that when you left home last time, you promised to buy a hairpin for Miss. Now, you've been home for five days, yet I haven't seen you give it to her?"
"You..."
My brother, as if his secret had been exposed, turned red in an instant.
He glared at Ying Xiang and then glanced at me somewhat guiltily,
"Wan'er... listen to me, I promise to buy it for you next time!"
Seeing his embarrassed look, I couldn't help but laugh in my heart.
Ever since we were children, I knew how much my brother loved me and how careless he could be.
If he forgot to buy the hairpin this time, it wouldn't matter. After all, we are siblings for life, and he will have to spoil me for a long time to come. A momentary lapse wouldn't make a difference.
But just as I was about to playfully demand a pair from him next time, I saw something terrifying in his eyes, a horrifying image flashed through my mind.
I saw...
My brother in prisoner's clothing, kneeling in the middle of the execution ground, covered in blood.
The noisy crowd of spectators surrounded him. At the executioner's command, the headsman's broadsword was raised high!
"Ah!!"
I screamed aloud, and only then did the horrifying image in my mind dissipate.
"Wan’er?"
My brother climbed in through the diamond-shaped window and asked me, holding my shoulders,
"What happened?"
I didn't answer, I didn't know what to say, all I felt was fear.
I held my brother tight, trying to feel his warmth, his heartbeat.
Thankfully, he was alright.
I thought, maybe Ying Xiang was right?
Was it because I had heard too many bloody stories from the battlefield from my father and brother, that I had been having these hallucinations recently?
I shook my head vigorously, trying to drive these strange thoughts out of my mind.
After a long while, I finally said to my brother, "Brother, you will always be with us, right?"
My brother ruffled my hair, laughing at my silliness, "Of course. You know I have a bad memory. This time I went back on my word about the hairpin, next time I'll make it up to you double. You can't think that just because I was careless this one time, I would abandon you, right?"
"Of course not."
I smiled, feeling relieved.
"It's a silver willow hairpin, right?" he asked.
"Mm-hmm." I nodded.
Unlike most girls who like roses or peonies,
I've loved silver willows since I was a child.
The flower symbolizes freedom and lack of restraint, which is the kind of life I want to live.
You could say my brother is scatterbrained, but he remembers all of my likes and dislikes.
So do my father and mother.
In this family, whatever I love, everyone hopes for.
So even though I reached the age of marriage last year, my parents didn't hurry to arrange a marriage for me like other noble families. Instead, they allowed me to find my own perfect match according to my heart's desire.
With the status of the Ning Family in the Qi Dynasty, as the legitimate daughter of the Ning Family, it's expected that I marry someone of high status, otherwise it would be a disgrace to my father's reputation.
But my father doesn't think so.
I once asked him, "What if the man my daughter loves has no power or influence, and makes you lose face in front of your colleagues?"
My father dismissed it with a wave of his hand, "Compared to my daughter's happiness, they don't matter at all! I've helped the emperor conquer this world, why would I care about the opinions of those old farts?"
Women in the Qi Dynasty have always been adjuncts to men,
From fathers, brothers, to husbands, they were never allowed to be their own.
Yet in such a place, where even princesses must marry far away, my family only hopes for my happiness and well-being.
These things have left a deep imprint on my heart. Every time I think about them, I feel that being born into the Ning Family, having such family members, is a blessing I have cultivated over three lifetimes.
"What are you thinking about?"
I was lost in thought when my brother suddenly pinched my nose and peeled a lychee for me. Suddenly, he said seriously:
"The Empress has just recovered from a serious illness. Tomorrow, officials from all departments will bring their female family members to the Feng Luan Palace to pay their respects. You cannot be this absent-minded in front of the Empress. The palace has many rules, it's not like home."
The Palace...
I let out a soft sigh, peering out of the window in the direction of the palace, taking a deep look.
From my boudoir, I could only see a small golden dome in the distance,
My brother said that it was the top of the Chaoyang Palace, where the Emperor lived, the most noble person in the world.
There are so many rules near the Emperor, enough to stifle a person, and I, accustomed to freedom and casualness, naturally do not want to follow my father into the palace.
In the past, I didn't go, and my mother went to the palace for me, but recently my mother has been sick and should not be overworked.
So even if I'm reluctant,
This time,
I can't avoid it.
