My Beloved Concubine Only Wants to Eat Melons

Three years after entering the palace, Yan Shu, the beauty of Yongning Palace, had never seen the emperor's face.

While other concubines schemed endlessly to win the emperor's favor, she was too absorbed in her gossip system to care about anything else.

[The son of the Marquis of Linwu isn't actually his own, tsk tsk.]

[That old fuddy-duddy Minister of Rites is having an affair with his daughter-in-law!!!]

[Oh my, the straight-laced prince consort of Princess Aima actually has several mistresses on the side.]

With juicy scandals emerging daily, who could even remember who the emperor was?

Little did she know, one day she would stumble upon an earth-shattering piece of gossip—

[The outwardly cold and aloof iron-blooded emperor actually suffers from an unspeakable affliction.]

Yan Shu: "!!! No wonder he never visits the harem!"

Wait a minute...

Something doesn't add up... Then why was she brought to the palace in the first place?!!

The new Emperor Yu Wenlan had two secrets.

Since ascending the throne, he had gradually lost his manly functions;

But at the same time, he gained the ability to read minds.

Seeing fake, two-faced expressions every day made him increasingly cold and distant.

Until one day, he heard a unique inner voice—

[What a damn waste!]

Yu Wenlan paused, narrowing his eyes at the pure and innocent-looking young woman.

[Heavens above, how can you give such a hottie ED without feeling guilty?]

[Isn't there any way to save the situation???]

[If the All-Healing Elixir and Manhood Restoration Pills didn't work, has he tried acupuncture to revitalize yang energy?]

Yu Wenlan: "???"

Even after becoming Empress, Yan Shu never knew how she repeatedly pushed the emperor's buttons yet still became number one in his heart.

Perhaps it was just good fortune.

Bonus scene:

At the ice lantern banquet, while the emperor received New Year's greetings from his officials, he secretly eavesdropped on his beloved consort's gossip.

Yan Shu: [Duke Cheng'en is keeping mistresses young enough to be his granddaughters at his age. How shameless!]

Yu Wenlan: [Shameless??? That's my uncle...]

Yan Shu: [How has the Marquis of Linwu not noticed his son looks nothing like him? Poor man.]

Yu Wenlan: [...Come to think of it, they really don't look alike. What should I do? Should I give him a hint?]

Yan Shu: [So this is the ungrateful Chancellor of Wenhua Academy who abandoned his former lover? What a hypocrite!]

Yu Wenlan: [...The more I look at that old man, the shadier he seems.]

1v1 romantic comedy with descriptions of delicious food.

Chapters 63-65 deal with the real vs. fake noble daughter trope. Content warning has been given, please read with caution if sensitive to this topic.