As soon as the door was closed, Zhao Jingyun impatiently asked her, "Zhixia, I went to Anle Village and learned from the village chief that my father had a good relationship with you before he passed away. So I wanted to ask if he...if he blamed me for anything?"
"If Teacher Zhao is asking about this, I can tell you very clearly that Older Zhao never blamed you for anything. Before he died, he was still thinking of you and said that as long as you live well, nothing else matters," Zhixia said directly.
But her words were like a dagger stabbing Zhao Jingyun's heart.
She couldn't control her blurry vision, and her hoarse voice that had become rough from long-term coughing was even more coarse as she spoke, "It's me who wronged him, it's me who failed my father. I don't deserve to be his daughter. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have ended up like this. I don't deserve to live...I should be the one to die..."
Zhixia's heart stirred as she looked at Zhao Jingyun with complicated eyes.
She did know after all.
She had her suspicions all along. After the Zhao family's downfall, Liang Zhiwei had swiftly risen in the Ideology Branch, and his career had smoothly progressed since. Zhao Jingyun's mother passed away early, and Older Zhao had raised her alone, so the father and daughter were very close. But Older Zhao died within an hour's travel distance from Zhao Jingyun without getting to see his daughter one last time.
With Liang Zhiwei's power in the Ideology Branch at that time, and his feelings for her, how difficult could it have been for Zhao Jingyun to visit her ailing father?
If she didn't go, it was likely not just because Liang Zhiwei hid the details from her, but also because she felt guilty that her husband had destroyed her father. She didn't dare, and was too ashamed to face the father who had been harmed by her husband.
She even had to pretend ignorance while continuing to act as the loving wife to Liang Zhiwei after clearly knowing the truth.
Humph!
Zhixia suddenly felt that Zhao Jingyun was even more hypocritical and disgusting compared to Gao Meiyun's blatantly crude evil.
Zhixia laughed mockingly while squatting next to Zhao Jingyun's bed. "Teacher Zhao, do you know, you used to be the person I envied most. I didn't know you back then, but whenever I got beaten, I'd go find Older Zhao and listen to him talk about you and feel his fatherly love for you. I thought to myself back then, how blissful you must be. Even as he greatly hoped you would go see him, he cheerfully said it was fine if you didn't go since he didn't want to drag down his grown daughter. He said it was enough that an old man like him had lived a full life. As long as you were well, he could pass peacefully even in death..."
Zhao Jingyun wept uncontrollably, unable to catch her breath as she stared at Zhixia while making choking sounds from her throat, as if something was blocking her throat.
Zhixia helped pat her chest while passing over the water Zhao Jingyun had just drunken from. Without Zhao Jingyun noticing, she had secretly added drops of Frigid Flame Fruit juice earlier, ensuring that Zhao Jingyun would temporarily keep her life. After all, Zhao Jingyun was Liang Zhiwei's beloved and treasured wife. If she were to die in front of Zhixia right now, even if it wasn't her fault, Liang Zhiwei might still go mad and snap at her.
After Zhao Jingyun calmed down, she still had tears flowing as she remained immersed in regret, with words of blaming herself for harming Older Zhao continuously pouring from her mouth.
Looking at her trapped in a vicious cycle, Zhixia felt for the first time that pitiable people inevitably had hateful qualities.
Zhao Jingyun had known all along that Liang Zhiwei had harmed Older Zhao. But unwilling to give up the peaceful life she had, she was always whitewashing the truth and deceiving herself.
What about Older Zhao?
He had likely known as well.
After all, with experience comes wisdom, and he was an intelligent man.
The pity was, even as he reached such a state, he was still looking out for his daughter's wellbeing.
"Teacher Zhao, do you still want to live?" Zhixia never felt that death was the end. But she understood clearly that only the living could feel the clarity of pain.
Zhao Jingyun was selfish. Over the years, she must have been tormented by guilt for failing to resolutely protect her father, which led to her perpetual ill health.
Zhixia assumed that she would want to go on living, but unexpectedly, Zhao Jingyun shook her head.
"Please...thank you for making this trip. You may leave now." After some time, Zhao Jingyun barely managed to string these words together.
Zhixia stood up. "Then I shall take my leave. Take care of your health, Teacher Zhao."
When Zhixia opened the door, she saw Liang Zhiwei standing right outside. She didn't even try to avoid him, only meeting his slightly gloomy gaze.
Zhixia calmly exited and closed the bedroom door before lowering her voice, "Director Liang, I didn't say anything out of line. I only spoke good things that would be nice to hear."
Liang Zhiwei also knew he had no reason to be angry. He pulled up the corners of his lips in a faint smile. "Thank you for going out of your way today, Comrade An. I have to take care of my wife and won't be able to send you off. Travel safely."
"Goodbye then. I hope Teacher Zhao recovers soon." Zhixia smiled politely.
Once she left, the smile instantly vanished from Liang Zhiwei's face. He hurried back into the bedroom.
"Jingyun..." Liang Zhiwei sat by the bed with a look of distress as he gazed upon Zhao Jingyun.
Despite obvious signs of crying, she forced an smile. "Zhiwei, she said my father didn't blame me. As long as he doesn't blame me, I can face him without fear after I die. I'll be going below the ground soon, so at least I can meet my father with peace of mind."
"Don't speak nonsense. You promised to live a long life with me, Jingyun," Liang Zhiwei said.
"But my health has been..."
Zhao Jingyun sighed, with everything unspoken yet understood.
Liang Zhiwei could only comfort her. The doctors had already given their final verdict - his wife's health had long reached the brink of collapse. She had barely prolonged her life through sheer willpower.
He had tried every method he could, truly at a loss over what more he could do.
"You promised, Jingyun. You can't die. I'll find another way. We'll go to Haicheng, to Jingdu - better doctors out there can surely cure you..."
Zhao Jingyun looked at Liang Zhiwei with eyes brimming with hot tears. "Zhiwei, I'm not afraid of dying. I'm just afraid that when I'm gone, you'll forget me. You're still so young with great prospects. Whenever I think of you marrying someone else in the future, I feel miserable to death. I know I'm being selfish dragging this sick body when I couldn't even bear you a child. But I just can't accept it."
Liang Zhiwei said, "You don't have to accept it. I've never thought about marrying someone else. Jingyun, I only want you. If they're not your children, I won't love them either. Believe me."
"I believe you," Zhao Jingyun nestled into his embrace, then couldn't suppress another bout of coughs. But the hidden look in her eyes differed from the rich affection in Liang Zhiwei's eyes, containing a hint of resentment instead.
Naturally doctors wouldn't be able to cure her illness. The cure to a mental affliction must come from within. With inner demons plaguing her, how could she possibly heal? Over the years, she had weakly indulged in the tenderness Liang Zhiwei gave her, while also hating herself for lacking the resolve to protect her father.
She had thought she was afraid of dying, but upon reaching death's door, she realized it didn't seem very frightening after all. As for how Liang Zhiwei would carry on without her after her death, that would be his just deserts.
Zhao Jingyun definitely loved Liang Zhiwei, yet she also truly hated him. Why did he have to destroy their happy household and her hopes, even causing the death of their unborn children? Two lives had relentlessly torn her heart asunder.
